thoughts on the election

if you're not sick of hearing about it yet

hi all,

can’t believe how fast fall is going. I wish it would last forever, and I also wish I could be in a voluntary coma for the next two weeks so I could miss the election and all of the chatter before and after. but when you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em… so this newsletter will be about the election! this is going to be a short one, but if you’re sick of hearing about it, feel free to skip to the advice/links. I too am sick of hearing about it, but I also have a disease where I can’t stop thinking/talking/ruminating on it.

if you’d like to support my writing because this newsletter means something to you or because you understand it takes a lot of time and effort to put it together — or because you want to keep my feet to the fire re: a regular publishing schedule (still working on this one…) — you can do that below. it means more to me than you know.

relatedly, all posts are paywalled a few weeks after publishing, so I strongly recommend subscribing to make sure they’re in your inbox and you don’t miss them when they’re free/public!

love,

your friend Mindy 

---

I live in Pennsylvania, and/so I’m voting for Kamala Harris. it gets more and more difficult to say out loud for the obvious reason: I feel deep shame about this country and how we are in large part responsible for the killing of thousands and thousands of innocent people, including children. I don’t want to support it in any way, and yet I do, with my tax dollars, and… with my vote in two weeks.

I still feel pretty clear-headed about this choice: it’s defensive and that’s basically it. I don’t expect much good from her, and in fact I think her administration will be worse than the Biden administration on key domestic issues (and the same on international ones). but as the genocide in Gaza continues with unconditional support from our government — and as her campaign continues to tack rightward (protecting crypto?? promising to appoint Republicans to her cabinet??? silent on Lina Khan’s future in the administration??) — I just feel so angry and frustrated. I’m still doing it, of course, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I think that’s the thing that gets me about the voting versus not voting debate. I often do things I don’t like, we all do! I’m not sure why we give voting so much more weight than anything else that’s kind of shitty. it just is what it is, and that’s life. voting takes almost as much time as changing a shitty diaper, and far less time than cleaning the bathroom, exercising, working, and all the other things people dread doing.

I think a lot of people want to believe that they’re playing some kind of 3D chess. withhold vote from Kamala = Trump wins = the Democrats are punished = genocide ends (???) I deeply understand the feelings of anger, rage, frustration, sadness, grief, etc. — I share them — but the math just isn’t mathing, as the kids say. I have yet to see a compelling strategic case for voting third party — no one thinks Jill Stein is going to win and end the genocide, they just want to discipline the Democrats. but the Democrats are not going to learn from the left if they lose, they’re just going to continue whatever they’re doing. not voting or voting third party is just an expression of an emotion. I don’t blame anyone for wanting to do that, I just don’t think we should pretend it’s more meaningful than that.

correct take

the truth just is that we currently don’t have enough power to end the genocide OR make the Democrats listen to us OR punish them in a way that makes them responsive to us. it’s horrible and painful and makes me want to bash my head against a wall, but that doesn’t make it any less real. and I don’t feel particularly precious about my vote. I’ve been voting for 16 years, and I’ve done it when I’ve felt excited and I’ve done it when I’ve felt scared and I’ve done it when I’ve felt nothing at all. on November 5th, I’ll go in to the booth, write my friends in for some local races, hit the button for Kamala Harris, and then go about my day. people have spent more time (myself included!) declaring what they will or won’t do than actually just doing it (or not doing it).

I am exhausted and frayed, and I find myself annoyed at everyone these days. over the weekend I saw my uncle, a tenured college professor who’s never had to worry about anything a day in his life, and he called all Trump supporters Nazis. he’s one of those “liberal, not progressive” guys, and he thinks everyone voting for Trump is racist/sexist/whatever. there’s no doubt that racism and sexism animate a lot of Trump supporters, but pretending that everyone who is voting for Trump is evil or irredeemable is just silly, ignores the growing support he has from women and people of color, and is an ahistorical understanding of the Democrats’ last few decades of decision-making (and politics in general). at the same time, I’m beyond frustrated by all the union members I meet who are voting for him, because they’re obviously wrong and are incapable of listening to logic or reason, and are brainwashed by the bullshit culture wars and all the idiots around them. I’m angry they’re choosing xenophobia or vague concerns about “the economy” (the President doesn’t decide the cost of milk or gas, but OK!) over their unions and their rights at work. my sister and I went to this union bar after work one day a month or so ago and these elevator construction apprentices were talking about voting for Trump because he "is the lesser of two evils” (???) but couldn’t explain why. many of my union’s apprentices, who have to canvass for our candidates as part of their training, are also voting for Trump or not voting at all. part of it is that they don’t understand how important their union is yet, and another part is that they just don’t truly believe it’s all at stake, but it is. and a lot of that is our fault for not doing a good enough job teaching them, but it’s also really fucking hard to compete with the stupid ass memes on Facebook and the and racist fear-mongering on Fox.

of course, if Kamala loses, it’ll be the left’s fault for voting third party or not voting at all, even though they otherwise see us as irrelevant and powerless. (to be clear, I don’t think that means that the Dems will have any kind of introspection about why they lost, or make any kind of concessions to the left.) if she does win, which of course I hope she does, it’ll vindicate the party’s right turn. and all the while, innocent people are being killed, over and over again, and there is nothing we do can stop it. one thing on its own would be enough to make you feel insane, but everything combined — the genocide, the “natural” disasters, the awful political choices, the cultural rot in our society as a whole — is beyond crazy-making; we are in the depths of hell. the way I feel is beyond sad, I’m just bone tired, and trying to steel myself for what’s to come. my husband says it’s 50/50 and whatever happens is beyond our control at this point, which is probably true. but that doesn’t stop me from laying in bed at night wondering what’s going to happen to his job and my union and my mom’s gay marriage.

when Biden first announced that he wouldn’t run again, and Kamala was the nominee, the vibes were good — or at least refreshing and optimistic, which is a low bar, but we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here. we could at least all agree we wanted to block the right and send MAGA packing, and it was nice to not have a senile nominee in which to do that. but as the genocide has raged on, and as Kamala has done more outreach to Republicans than the Uncommitted movement, it has gotten harder and harder to feel any sort of excitement at all. I feel terror if I feel anything, but mostly I feel numb.

the group chat is canvassing in a swing state and is also depressed

I have very little hope, and I have never felt this politically depressed in my life. it’s a little scary to be this honest, and I feel guilty saying all of this because I really do believe in the good of people and the power of workers. I often say to myself, pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will — and for the most part, I believe that and I really feel it. but right now, the left feels more fractured than ever, and unions can’t even get their members to vote their way, and the natural world feels like it’s sputtering out, and when I think about a future for my son and all the other children in the world, all I can see is hot, dry heat, and war, and pain.

I’m going to grit my teeth and cast my vote for Kamala. I can (and will, and do) explain why but it doesn’t feel good, and mostly I have nothing to say. I’ve canvassed for her with my union, but I can’t bring myself to do anything else. I’ve texted STOP more times than I can count, and I told all the lefty groups that while I’m voting for her, I can’t do anything more until she calls for an arms embargo. everyone seems to understand and feel the same way, and yet. nothing changes! which is the same tune we’ve been singing for a year and change. it’s enough to make any sane person give up forever. and I’m so angry that I’m doing this — voting against Trump instead of for someone — for the third time. I resent that in the richest country in the world, in a representative democracy, my choice is a fascist or a moderate Republican. and yet the choice is clear as day, for even just a handful of reasons:

• union rights

• abortion rights

• police and state repression

• immigrant rights

there are many more, of course, but those are just some top line hits! it’s fucking scary, and I am truly afraid of a Trump presidency, which doesn’t mean I’m excited about a Kamala presidency. but one is less bad than the other, and one is going to win. for me, that’s enough to vote for her. I think, frankly, a lot of people who are voting third party hope to show that they’re more left-wing than other people, or like they have the moral high ground. I have no interest in trying to prove that at this stage in my life, I’m too tired, and I’m more committed to staunching the bleeding. I’m sure this will lose me subscribers and (more importantly!) the respect of some people in my life, but I’m just trying to be as rational as possible as the world feels more insane than ever.

this isn’t particularly well-written or saying anything new, but I wanted to get something out about the election before we all go vote. it’s really hard to tell people to vote for someone you’re not actually excited about voting for, but if you’re in a swing state, I think you should vote for Kamala Harris. I’m sorry this is the situation we’re in, but it’s the situation we’re in.

love,

your friend Mindy

---

ask Mindy

I have a few questions in the queue, but please continue to write in HERE. it is anonymous.

if you’ve written in already (or plan to do so soon), please note that I don’t always answer questions in order; I try to pick based on topic, so if I didn’t get to it yet, hopefully I will soon!

today I’ll be answering questions about knowing if someone is “the one,” if “the movement” is accessible to parents, staff unions, and how to balance friendship and having kids.

How did you know your husband was "the one"? How much do you think your stage in life when you met him (your age, maybe your desire to become a mom, to settle down, etc.) influenced your decision to marry him? 

there are 8 billion people in the world, there is no “one.” but my husband is the one who makes me feel loved, seen, safe, and provided for. I am sure there are many other people who could make me feel that way; there are some who have in the past — I’m lucky to have been in love many, many times! each experience has taught me something about myself and about how to be close to another person. that is a gift even though we didn’t “end up together,” and even though many of those relationships ended with hurt feelings on some or all sides.

I have always known I wanted to get married and be a mom. I was very clear about that with my previous partner — I remember when we first started dating and we were long distance, I visited him in North Carolina, and told him I only wanted to be in a relationship that was eventually heading in that direction. he told me he had never really thought about those things before, but would start. that conversation was 7 years before we broke up for the final time — for many reasons, but the question of “the future” was always a source of conflict and stress (and the cause of our first big breakup a few years prior). I realized, at what became the end, that I really did not want to co-parent with someone who was possibly only doing it to make me happy. I knew that parenthood would be intense and difficult and all-consuming at times, and I wanted a partner who wanted that in its own right, not just to keep me around.

when my husband and I started dating, we realized we had been orbiting each other for more than a decade — going to the same places, sharing some acquaintances. it’s very likely we had met or at least seen each other around before we met for real. but I am sure we wouldn’t have connected in the same way back then, at least not seriously — we were both totally different people at that point in our lives, both partying a ton. we got together when I was 30 and he was 33, when we were both stable (emotionally and financially) and ready to commit to someone and to have a kid.

all of this is to say: timing and intention and shared goals of course play a huge role in what makes relationships work! maybe my last relationship would have continued if he was ready to be a parent when I was, but I’ll never know, and that’s OK. it’s not just life stages that make relationships work — plenty of people want to have kids who wouldn’t be a good fit for me (and vice versa). my husband and I are really lucky to fit together incredibly well. I panicked a bit when we first started dating because everything was just nice — we didn’t fight, I didn’t feel horrible about myself, I didn’t have much to dish about with my friends (besides [redacted] obviously). I was so used to being on a constant rollercoaster with my ex — the highs were high and the lows were so, so low — that I needed to re-work my understanding of what romantic relationships and love were supposed to feel like. I was afraid our life together would be boring, but it’s the opposite: I’m really happy now, basically all the time, and when he walks in the door from work I still have butterflies in my stomach. of course we bicker about dumb stuff, and we’ve had some serious conflicts to work through, but ultimately we have a really deep foundation of mutual respect and admiration for one another. we really see each other as teammates, and we share the same core values, parenting philosophies (mostly), and have a similar vision for our day-to-day lives and our future together.

again, there are soooo many people in this world, and if something happened to my marriage or to my husband I am sure I could and would eventually fall in love again. but I do feel like we are uniquely suited to each other — in part probably because we met in our 30s and spent so much time growing and learning on our own or with other people. my biggest piece of advice around if someone is “the one” or not is that if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. with my ex, I would often make pro/con lists about whether we should stay together or not — I can’t imagine ever doing that with my husband. your gut really does know.

I hear a lot of talk about "the movement" not being accessible enough to people with kids, and how not enough parents being involved with us is a bad sign. What do you think about this? Has having a child made you think differently about how to make things more accessible to parents, beyond the obvious like having childcare available?

I have taken my son canvassing and to meetings, and I’ve been able to do direct action thanks to my wonderful co-parent. I think being an organizer or activist parent is definitely do-able, at least with one kid (that’s all I know, so can’t speak on having multiples!) but I have been less involved in “the movement” since I had him, in part because the Philly chapter of DSA had been my political home for a long time but then stopped feeling like a useful outlet for me. and also because I want to spend as much time as possible with my son, who seems to literally grow and change every single day! I don’t want to miss anything, so when I do, I want it to be worth it. (relatedly, I’ve been traveling for work a lot, which has made me want to stick close to my kid when I’m home.) and as you can see from my above post, I’m feeling pretty depressed about politics — outside of the labor movement and JVP, I don’t see a current place for myself on “the socialist left,” whatever that means. I’ll continue to pay dues to DSA, but I don’t see myself getting back involved any time soon.

honestly, even if things were perfect on the left, I think a lot of parents take a step back because their priorities change. it’s not that they become more conservative like everyone says will happen, it’s just that they’d rather watch their kid go down a slide 100 times then argue about the exact wording of a resolution. it’s not that politics don’t matter, it’s that after doing politics for years and years and barely winning anything, you feel like maybe your time is better spent just enjoying your limited time on this precious earth.

so yes, childcare is important and helpful, but political work also just requires a sacrifice of time/energy that many people may not want to give anymore. my current political focus is on my (paid) union work, and when my friends at JVP tell me to do something, I try to do it. otherwise, I’ll leave it to the young people!

The NEA employees union recently ratified a contract, but the process to get there certainly got ugly. What do you think of Unions like NEA locking out their own employees or union employees themselves striking when there is so much urgent and important work to be done for members?

this is such a good question and one I think about all the time. I’m certain my answer will offend basically everyone in all directions, but I am trying to handle it with care. I hope everyone reading this knows I support all workers and their right to have a union and a good contract. that includes the staff who organize workers! I count myself among them, and I have been very grateful to have been covered by a collective bargaining agreement in the past, although I’m not any longer.

but I had always found that the hardest parts of being a union organizer (or union staff in general) were the intense expectations of the work. the pay and benefits have always been good, and often the work is manageable. but there are times in campaigns or in election season where it’s all hands on deck, and a lot more is required from us. that can be extremely difficult! and while comp time and things of that nature can be negotiated in a CBA, it doesn’t change the fact that in the moment that work can be very stressful and exhausting and tensions can be very high. what I mean to say is: this work is not for the faint of heart, and it’s definitely not for everyone! my husband clocks out of his job at the same time each day and then doesn’t think about it until he clocks back in the next day. that’s just not how it is if you’re union staff – it’s very hard (and rare) to be fully “off.” in my opinion that’s something you have to be OK with to do this work, but I know others disagree. 

I also am aware that I make more money than many of our members, and that their dues pay my salary. I take that extremely seriously, and I work hard to make them proud. obviously lockouts are awful and strikes should be a last resort. I’m not trying to be coy, I just don’t know enough about the NEA situation to comment specifically. but I do think it’s a really tough balancing act, because you’re right, the work we do is important – and we’re important too!

From what I have read from your newsletters you are a new parent and also really in love with your friends. I don't have kids but do have a lot of friends who have started having kids. I have made it a point to reach out to them a lot, offer support where I can, send them meals etc. In the last two years I have had countless hangouts with my friends and their kids. The thing is, it's always me initiating and planning. Every time. My sense is that if I pulled back and stopped reaching out we wouldn't see each other much if at all. So here is where I am seeking advice/your thoughts etc.

Have you found that having a kid makes it impossible to do the friend outreach? Did your non kid having friends have to step up more in the friendship? Do you regularly see friends without kids? I notice my friends with kids do stuff together all the time. This makes sense to me but just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I wouldn't want to be included. Squeaky mouse gets the cheese I know. But maybe my friendship in this moment really just isn't a priority to them? I'd be scared to hear the answers if I asked. And also I don't want to put pressure on newish parents who have a lot on their plates. I am just curious what this looks like for you in your life? Thanks!

from everything I’ve heard and read, what you are experiencing is very common. I think I’m a pretty good and present friend, but obviously you’d have to ask my friends! obviously having a child is life-changing in a million different ways, but I got really, really, really lucky: I had lots of paid time off work (thanks to my union), I have an incredibly capable co-parent (lots of women cannot say the same), I had help from my moms, I didn’t have PPD/PPA, and I had a pretty chill baby. if you have multiple kids, or no time off, or a shitty partner, or no family help, or a colicky baby — or any combination of the above — things can feel incredibly overwhelming and difficult. we just got really lucky, honestly! I feel like I have to say that one million times because we did nothing to have an easy go of things, it just happened. I know that it’s much harder for other people.

with that said, I did really prioritize seeing my friends. that meant inviting people over to visit and meet the baby, strapping him to me and bringing him to other people’s houses, and leaving him home with his dad to have friend-only time. living in a city made the first two things easier, because people live close by, and it’s not too hard to drive or walk over or meet for a coffee or something. leaving him with his dad was difficult in the beginning because he was exclusively breastfeeding so I could only be away from him for like 2 hours. now I can be without him for as long as I want, the problem is that I often don’t want to! but he goes to bed at 7:30, which leaves time to meet friends for dinner or drinks. he’s also at daycare all day, and I work from home, so it’s easy for me to grab a quick coffee with a friend on less busy work days. and we just do a lot with him! we definitely see friends with kids more than we did before we had him — it’s really great to have them play with each other while we hang out — but most of my closest friends are not parents, and the majority of them do not want to become parents, and I see them a lot too! our weekends are filled with friends, and many weeknights are too, even if it’s just meeting at the playground (although that’s usually our friends with kids for obvious reasons).

I think because I was so terrified that having a baby would isolate me from my friends, I just made sure it didn’t happen. but some people aren’t as worried about that, or frankly just don’t care as much — some people just really want to burrow into their house with their partner and kid and I get that! I really love my nuclear family, but my friends are not an afterthought or icing on the cake or whatever — they are a necessary ingredient for me having a happy and fulfilled life, so they’re a high priority for me. friendship is not secondary to me.

also, this is probably more controversial and I’m really not judging how other people choose to raise their kids, but I think parents in this country unnecessarily orient their lives around their kids and their kids’ schedules. outside of trying to keep him to a specific bedtime and nap time, we mostly live the kind of life we want to live. one of the reasons we only have one kid is because frankly, I am selfish! I want to have a life and an identity outside of motherhood, and I do. I think I am a better mom because I am happy, and I am happy because I have a big community. I don’t buy into the idea that kids need to be constantly scheduled or stimulated with “kid” things. we have a rule that our kid is only allowed to be in one activity at a time tops — currently he and his dad go to swim class on Sunday mornings. when it’s over, we might sign him up for weekly music class again. but in general, I think he gets as much out of hanging out with a bunch of adults then going to a place that’s specifically for little kids, the same way he has as much fun with a literal piece of trash as he does with one of those fancy, expensive wood toys. he is more than happy to tag along with us and get tons of attention from the adults in his life! obviously that will probably change at some point but we’re going to ride it out as long as we can. I think what kids need the most is love, which he has in incredible abundance. and we need love too :) which is why I’m unwilling to see my friends less!

all that said, having a kid is an incredible change physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, financially, schedule-y, sleep-y… your friends might feel like they’re drowning. I don’t think it’s putting pressure on your friends to let them know how you feel, as long as you also try to understand how they feel. because, yes, having kids is huge and crazy! but you’re still a person and you’re allowed to have needs. you probably wouldn’t want to invite them out to the club 8 weeks after having a baby for example, but you can (and should!) definitely say stuff like, “hey, I just want you to know that I’d love to see you! want to meet for coffee or go on a walk? or I could just come over! whatever works best.” or “I know I don’t have kids, but I’d love to be included in the baby hangout too!” I think people may feel self-conscious, like hearing about baby stuff is boring (it objectively is), but if you make it clear you’re interested, it goes a long way. it’s definitely not fair that you have to do the outreach, but also please extend some grace to your friends who are going through lots of changes right now.

---

reading

Family Planning

After the Encampments

A Haitian Immigrant in Springfield Experiences the Best and Worst of America

Warren Hern, America’s Abortion Doctor

"No One is Coming to Save Us": Eight Florida activists on the experience of organizing under Governor Ron DeSantis’s far-right onslaught.

Giving Birth in Gaza

Has Social Media Fuelled a Teen-Suicide Crisis?

The Making of the Springfield Working Class

Can Harris Stop Blue-Collar Workers from Defecting to Donald Trump?

The Dead Admonish

How Israel has made trauma a weapon of war

The Gaza We Leave Behind

The Failure of Liberal Zionism

My Accidental Day Care

A Rupture in Time

“The Only Refuge I Could Offer”

Kim Kelly: Why the American Labor Movement Matters

The Call Is Out for Mass, Simultaneous Strikes in 4 Years

#193: Parenthood's PR problem

Joe Biden Chose This Catastrophic Path Every Step of the Way

Abortion's Future

In the Shadow of King Coal

Did the AFL-CIO Add 452,000 New Members?

Confessions of a Former Carnivore

---

other

• I wrote for The Inquirer about planning my double mastectomy, and why we need Medicare for All.

• our friends at the Center for Working Class Politics now have a newsletter! subscribe here.

• please send all vegetarian soup recipes! didn’t get many last time I asked and it’s very important to me to eat soup for two meals a day for the next six months.