just advice

I'll be back with an essay soon! (I hope)

hi all,

today’s newsletter is just advice, plus some links to things I’ve read. in an effort to send these more frequently, I am trying to break the content up more. tell me if you like this or hate this or have other comments, thoughts, complaints or suggestions for this newsletter!

…including essay ideas, or things you’d like me to write about! I want to send essays more often — and hope to soon about this and other ways our society preys on (and monetizes) the challenges of motherhood — but honestly, it’s hard to find the time. I’ve been pretty busy at work (including some travel), my toddler is a handful (but also sooooo fun right now!!), and it just feels impossible to get everything done. I feel jealous of people whose full time jobs are writing, but I also really like my job, so… IDK! there’s no real solution to this, I am just apologizing for the infrequent nature of these and am listening, learning, doing better, etc.

will the rain ever cease! it’s making me feel insane!

a note on paying for my newsletter: I have only ever paywalled one newsletter at the time of publishing, which was an experiment to see if it would increase paid subscribers (it did, by a lot. who knew!) I don’t want to make a habit of that — I too subscribe to a bunch of newsletters that I really enjoy, but can’t afford to pay for all of them, so I get it… and also this newsletter takes a lot to put together, it is work, and I have invested money in making it more aesthetically pleasing and cohesive (more TK!!!) which I’m only able to do because of paid subscribers. with all of that said, the vast majority of this will remain free at the time of publishing, but I do paywall after a few weeks, so make sure you subscribe to get these in your email inbox or substack app.

love,

your friend Mindy 

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ask Mindy

I have a few questions in the queue, but please continue to write in here. it is anonymous! I am only able to publish this section because people write in consistently. if the questions stop so will the answers!

there are four questions today, about trying to date someone in your socialist organization, how to deal with a changing friendship, what to do when a worker is exploited, and how to manage money in a marriage. read on for the answers!

I've developed a crush on someone in my org. For a long time I had a personal policy against dating people I'm organizing with but I've loosened up somewhat. My politics are the single most important thing in my life and would hate to feel uncomfortable in an organizing space (or make someone else feel that way) because I pursued them romantically and failed. I've seen people leave completely or temporarily step away from organizing because of breakups. I feel like people in my circle look down upon intra-organizational dating but I don't think most people swear it off entirely.

There are some other factors that I think are worth mentioning but they are quite possibly just excuses I'm making to justify inaction.

I have autism. Nothing extreme but I was professionally diagnosed as an adult. My life is mostly in order but I have not found dating natural at all. I'm a 30 year old male and have only had 1 serious romantic relationship. I feel a sense of shame around dating and being attracted to women in general.

The woman I'm into is younger than me. She's in her mid-20s. The age gap is a little over 5 years. Normally not a big deal but culturally we treat each year in our twenties as disproportionately significant. When I was her age I was absolutely pursuing women in their early 30s but people (rightly or wrongly) react so very differently when the genders are reversed.

I'm also unemployed. In the past I've enjoyed paying for dates, buying gifts, etc and since losing my job in the past couple months I've avoided dating for that reason.

She and I have been working together very closely over the last few weeks and I've really enjoyed it! Things I would have been happy to do otherwise are more enriching because she's there. I get excited when I see a text come in from her. I've been ogling her selfies when I'm alone. Typical crush shit. I'm sure it'll pass with time. Maybe she'll start dating someone and I'll regret not telling her how I feel.

Anyway to turn this into questions you can actually provide answers to:

Am I overthinking this?

Do our respective ages make this a non-starter?

I know you've complained in the past about socialist men not dating socialist women but do you have any provisions for when the guy is working closely in a political context/same org with that socialist woman?

What would be a good way to approach her? We don't actually see each other in person very often even though we don't live too far from each other. We usually talk over text, phone call, or video call.