big change of plans for me

trusting my gut

hi all,

Happy New Year :)

as you’ll see below, I was planning to write a newsletter all about my upcoming surgery, and then also planning to take a break from this place for a bit, so I could focus on resting and recovering… but as the bubbies and zaydes of the world say, mann tracht, un gott lacht (man plans, Gd laughs) — also Outkast: “you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather.”

I know I should probably be writing about the fires in California and the ceasefire deal, and maybe I will soon, but I first wanted to give a short/informal explanation on why my surgery plans have changed since I’ve been mentioning it a bit. and because I was planning to take a break from here, I don’t have any plans for this newsletter over the next couple of months. if there’s a subject you’d be interested in me writing about, please let me know (and I really mean it!!!!!)

finally learned how to add an actual caption to photos on here. lol. I’m such a luddite. anyway, I just liked these jelly fish when I saw them at the aquarium :)

if you’d like to support my writing because this newsletter means something to you or because you understand it takes a lot of time and effort to put it together — or because you want to keep my feet to the fire re: a regular publishing schedule (still working on this one…) — you can do that below. it means more to me than you know.

relatedly, all posts are paywalled a few weeks after publishing, so I strongly recommend subscribing to make sure they’re in your inbox and you don’t miss them when they’re free/public!

love,

your friend Mindy 

PS: thank you all for the deodorant recommendations! that was probably the most feedback I’ve EVER gotten from a newsletter. I know I’m stinky but come on!!!!

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I started writing this on a Tuesday, and two days later, on a Thursday, I had to delete everything I had written. the newsletter was all about my upcoming double mastectomy — scheduled for February 6th, coincidentally also my friend Brittney’s birthday — and had listed all of my fears along with all of my other emotions, including resentment and anger but also deep gratitude for the way the people in my life have shown up for me in preparation: Arielle and Nicole took me to Chung Dam, with these mikveh ceremony instructions printed out; my mom changed her plans around to watch my son at her house for a few days; my husband filled out his FMLA paperwork and sent it to my surgeon’s office, and he drafted an email to all my friends about ways to support me; my closest friends were planning to celebrate me with a “boob voyage” party, with a boob-shaped cake made by Arielle; Lea was going to take time off from work; Brittney was going to milk my drains. there are way more examples than that — too many examples to list — but I felt bowled over by my friends’ care. I also just felt — and still feel! — very ensconced in love as I prepared to do this objectively big, shitty thing.

but then! then! on Wednesday, everything changed. I had a check-in with my surgeon, just to make sure all was well leading up to the big day. my husband came with me because I needed his support to make sure I got through my list of questions — sometimes I get so overwhelmed in health care situations that I just shut down. my surgeon has 4.9 stars with 393 ratings (I hate that we can rate our health care professionals online, but whatever), and I trust him with my life. (once I told him he could never leave me and he said “don’t worry, I have very expensive children, I’ll be at Penn forever.” lol) so when he initially told me that the only reconstruction option for me was implants, I was really disappointed, but I heard and believed him. there are a few different reconstruction options for women who get double mastectomies, but this particular process was going to entail multiple surgeries and doctor visits: